Tonite, Wu Yi told me a bedtime story. Its late and I'm tired and wounded by the story, but I don't want to forget any details, so I'm writing it down as best I can remember now.
Once upon a time, a daughter was born in China. Initially her "Mommy" rocked her and loved her. But one day, the daughter's Mommy put the baby girl down in the street and ran away. She was a "naughty Mommy" for doing that.
A "Grandma" and "Grandpa" happened upon the baby girl in the street and together they exclaimed "Who is this? Who is this?". They took the daughter home with them and were very kind to her. They lived in a tiny home, with a small dog and two small cats. One of the cats was "very beautiful" and slept next to the daughter every night. The daughter misses the beautiful cat so much, even to this day.
Eventually, when the daughter was bigger, she came to live at a new home. This home was very large and very cold inside and, in addition to many "Mamas" and one special "PoPo", the daughter had four new friends there that became her brothers and sisters. One brother was unable to hear or speak. One brother was unable to walk. One sister had feet that were backwards (but she could still run quickly and rarely fell down). One sister was a baby and needed heart surgery. The daughter held the baby's hand while she was learning to walk. One day the baby stopped holding her hand and started walking all by herself! The daughter was very proud!
Her favorite sister and best friend was Yu Cheeong. They slept in the same bed together, feet to feet. It was fun to share a bed. They also walked to school together each day with one of the "Mamas". It was a long walk to school and the daughter got tired very easily. That "Mama" was not patient with her and the daughter was frequently spanked, slapped across the face, and had her ear twisted by the woman. Despite her best friends club feet, she managed to walk to school fine and was rarely punished in this way. Once at school, the two friends shared a desk and school supplies and they loved each other very much.
Most of the "Mama's" were very kind. They put the daughters hair up in ribbons each day, fed her, let her watch TV, and played with her. They had to cut her hair on occasion and she always hated that. She thought she looked ugly with short hair. She also thought she had a very ugly nose.
The story ends there. I asked if the daughter got a new Mama and Baba and came to America. She shook her head "no". She looked fairly confused about what happens to the daughter next. All she could say, is that when the daughter gets bigger, she is going to finally get her nose fixed.
Saturday, May 28, 2011
Thursday, May 19, 2011
My Little Lady
We later went to a clothing store, as I had to look for something pink to wear to a party for a good friend who is battling breast cancer (love you Laura!). Wu Yi knew what my mission was and she confidently scoured the store, pulling pink items off the rack and holding them up to me. She would either nod her approval or wrinkle her nose in disapproval. I didn't find anything good for me, but we moved on to the little girls section and she quickly found a pink dress for herself. This would be the second frillly pink dress she has picked out ~ unfortunately, the first one still sits untouched in the closet. I told her I would only buy her dress #2 if she promised to wear it to school. She thought about it for awhile and then told me she would keep her end of the deal. She picked out a "Cinderella" tiara as well, and actually modeled it for Evan. (She is quite proud of this treasure!).
This afternoon, she posed with Evan and me for some pictures! This is the first time, in three months, that she hasn't been irritated by the camera. Word for the day : "Beautiful".
Friday, May 13, 2011
Finding her Voice
Its been two weeks since Wu Yi came home from the hospital and she has been doing amazingly well. She continues to eat like crazy, has gained back her weight, and got the "all clear" from her Dr to eat whatever she wants. The only thing she struggles with is figuring out how to suck through a straw, which is completely backwards from what you would expect with a cleft palate repair! We met with a speech therapist, and will take her in for her initial evaluation later this month.
She has returned to school and is going everyday with my friend Cheryl for two hours. She spends the last 45 minutes of this time in a regular 2nd grade classroom. It has been amazing to watch her gain confidence at school. For a long time, she would ignore the kids and teachers, and only look at the floor while she was in the building. Now, she is starting to cautiously look at the kids and the classroom and she is giving an occasional smile to familiar adults. She has been studying Evan's yearbook carefully and I think this gives her a better feel for the school hierarchy. She has some understanding of telling time and watching the clock for when she will be picked up, and that gives her more confidence too. We also decided to hold her back and keep her in this same 2nd grade class in the fall, as well as have a tutor work with her at home this summer.
She started speaking some English in the past two weeks ~ mostly repeating short words and phrases from her favorite Barbie cartoons. She has been most confident doing this in front of my mom, who babysits Wu Yi while I am at work. (I went back 1/2 time two weeks ago, and go back full time next week). Yesterday and today, however, she began speaking conversational English!! And its not just random words, its complete sentences! Today she said to me in the car "Grandma's house is that way", "Lets have lunch with Grandma at the park with the big slide", and "Mrs Jensen's little boy got hit and broke his teeth" (that from a story she heard about a teachers son having a baseball accident). Other new phrases today include "follow me", "catch me", "push me" (on the swing), "Sami, get your leash", and "let's skip". What an absolutely delightful girl who continues to laugh and laugh when we play at the park.
She has also been more open and trusting in sharing her photos and treasured China backpack. She "tells" me (through gestures and miming) about her friends, nannies, and teachers in China. She considered her closest friends at the orphanage to be her brothers and sisters, and called many nannies "mama". Because she was in a special needs orphanage, she described to me the various ailments of her friends. It is heartbreaking to me that she seems to feel defined by her cleft issues. She asks me regularly when will the Dr fix her nose (she can't have reconstructive surgery until her teens). People made fun of her nose, and despite having just gone through a very difficult surgery, she is eager to do it again. It makes me so angry that an 8 year old has been made to feel this way. She has not given me any clue as to why she avoids having a relationship with Don, but she did point out a picture of a female teacher she had who hit her hands with a ruler and twisted her ear in school.
Along with all of these milestones, she has also become very physically affectionate with me. She usually likes to act as though she hates to get a hug, but more and more she finds a way to throw herself in my arms, hold my hand, ask for a piggyback ride, or even not pull away when I give her a raspberry kiss on her neck. I am so proud of all she has overcome. Summer vacation starts in 4 weeks and Don will be home with her while I am at work. Lets hope the two of them will find a way into each others hearts. :)
She has returned to school and is going everyday with my friend Cheryl for two hours. She spends the last 45 minutes of this time in a regular 2nd grade classroom. It has been amazing to watch her gain confidence at school. For a long time, she would ignore the kids and teachers, and only look at the floor while she was in the building. Now, she is starting to cautiously look at the kids and the classroom and she is giving an occasional smile to familiar adults. She has been studying Evan's yearbook carefully and I think this gives her a better feel for the school hierarchy. She has some understanding of telling time and watching the clock for when she will be picked up, and that gives her more confidence too. We also decided to hold her back and keep her in this same 2nd grade class in the fall, as well as have a tutor work with her at home this summer.
She started speaking some English in the past two weeks ~ mostly repeating short words and phrases from her favorite Barbie cartoons. She has been most confident doing this in front of my mom, who babysits Wu Yi while I am at work. (I went back 1/2 time two weeks ago, and go back full time next week). Yesterday and today, however, she began speaking conversational English!! And its not just random words, its complete sentences! Today she said to me in the car "Grandma's house is that way", "Lets have lunch with Grandma at the park with the big slide", and "Mrs Jensen's little boy got hit and broke his teeth" (that from a story she heard about a teachers son having a baseball accident). Other new phrases today include "follow me", "catch me", "push me" (on the swing), "Sami, get your leash", and "let's skip". What an absolutely delightful girl who continues to laugh and laugh when we play at the park.
She has also been more open and trusting in sharing her photos and treasured China backpack. She "tells" me (through gestures and miming) about her friends, nannies, and teachers in China. She considered her closest friends at the orphanage to be her brothers and sisters, and called many nannies "mama". Because she was in a special needs orphanage, she described to me the various ailments of her friends. It is heartbreaking to me that she seems to feel defined by her cleft issues. She asks me regularly when will the Dr fix her nose (she can't have reconstructive surgery until her teens). People made fun of her nose, and despite having just gone through a very difficult surgery, she is eager to do it again. It makes me so angry that an 8 year old has been made to feel this way. She has not given me any clue as to why she avoids having a relationship with Don, but she did point out a picture of a female teacher she had who hit her hands with a ruler and twisted her ear in school.
Along with all of these milestones, she has also become very physically affectionate with me. She usually likes to act as though she hates to get a hug, but more and more she finds a way to throw herself in my arms, hold my hand, ask for a piggyback ride, or even not pull away when I give her a raspberry kiss on her neck. I am so proud of all she has overcome. Summer vacation starts in 4 weeks and Don will be home with her while I am at work. Lets hope the two of them will find a way into each others hearts. :)
Friday, April 29, 2011
Home from the Hospital
After a brief, nightmarish, 16 hours at home on day five (pain, vomiting, starvation, constipation), we were readmitted to the hospital on day six. Wu Yi had lost 5 of her precious 43 pounds and could barely stand or keep her head up. We agressively rehydrated her with an IV, switched from narcotic pain control to IV anti-inflammatory pain control, gave her anti-nausea meds, and a laxative suppository (which produced 4 tearful hours sitting on the toilet). The second hospital was closer to home, quieter, and we had a private room. My good friend Lisa works there and visited us everyday. We were much more comfortable there. In the first hospital we were in a "curtain cubicle". In the second one, I had a garden view and spent my time watching a bird outside the window building a nest.
By day seven, she had perked up and I returned to trying to feed her like a baby bird ~ a couple of sips of 7up or a tiny bite of jello or ice cream every 15 minutes. Initially she was tearful and resistant to these efforts, but she soon realized that I would quit standing in front of her Barbie cartoons faster if she would just do it! :) Later that evening, she saw a KFC commercial and got very excited, pointing at it. This was her first indication of hunger, and on day eight she finally figured out how to chew and swallow!!! There was no stopping her after that, and we kept a constant supply of food on the bed next to her for the next two days. When her stomach proved that she could handle it, we got the OK to go home!! As we were finally leaving the hospital (and out into yet another late snowstorm!), she asked me to take one more detour to the cafeteria so she could eat just a little more. :)
Sunday, April 24, 2011
Surgery
The trip to the hospital went very smoothly. Maybe too smoothly. Wu Yi seemed almost eager to go to the hospital. My mind raced with a bit of panic, wondering what she thought this surgery meant?
The anesthesiologist decided she could go to sleep with a mask and get the IV after she went to sleep. Despite the fact that Wu Yi was very calm, we opted to give her a sedative before going to the OR, so that she wouldn't remember leaving me. She has been very clingy to me this week and I promised her that I would stay with her through the whole thing. (Even though I am an anesthetist, the hospital policy says no parents in the OR).
Surgery took just over 2 hours and the surgeon was very pleased with the outcome. In his office he had told us to expect 2 days in the hospital, but after the surgery, he said to expect 3 days. As I walked to see her in the recovery room, I could hear her crying and screaming "Mama, Mama"! I haven't heard her call me Mama in over 5 weeks! When she finally saw me, she practically jumped off the bed into my arms and clung to me with all her might. Poor baby with a very swollen face and bloody nose and mouth. She had a stitch through her tongue which was connected to a big wad of gauze which hung outside of her mouth. She howled with pain and fear, but the hospital staff was very attentive with lots of extra pain medicine and she soon settled down. She clung to me the rest of the afternoon and we slept together in her hospital bed all that night. Its sadly twisted that traumatic events can create such bonding.
The next day, Wu Yi started signaling to me that we had been in the hospital 2 days and that it was time to go home. I want so badly for her to trust what I say, and it was frustrating that I had to tell her we couldn't go home until she started to eat. She was completely unwilling to try any food despite the fact that she said she was starving. She threw herself into a major tantrum ~ kicking, screaming, arching her back. This was the first time I had seen a tantrum, but was not at all surprised by it. It lasted for about an hour and a half. We had our nurse, the nursing supervisor, the child life specialist, a social worker, and a translator all running to our room to try to calm her down. Unfortunately, all of these strangers just made her more upset and I sent them away. Did I mention that we weren't in a private room? We had a sweet little 4 year old in the bed next to us who had a cleft palate revision on the same day as Wu Yi. Her mom and I got to be best buddies during our 4 days together. A second tantrum followed a few hours later and it was decided that Wu Yi needed to be sedated so that she wouldn't damage her mouth with the screaming. The Ativan knocked her out for the rest of the day.
Day 3 brought 4 more tantrums, although they were less fierce and lasted only a half hour each. She still refused to eat or drink. Thank God she slept well all night.
Day 4 was "I'm sick of being here too and you are gonna start eating no matter what" day. :) Our little roommate got to go home and I didn't pack enough underwear and I was becoming tearful myself, so I found the resolve to be more firm with Wu Yi. Our nurse was willing to help me (brave nurse ~ I think we scared off a few!) and we ganged up on her to take sips of 7up and bites of ice cream. The effort exhausted me but we made a little progress at last.
So, here we are at Day 5. With lots of encouragement, Wu Yi is taking a full ounce (Yes, I said ounce!) of her favorite spicy Chinese broth every hour. She is switching over from IV Morphine, to liquid oral pain meds this morning as well. Yucky! If we can get her to take 2 ounces every hour and continue to get her to take her pain meds, she can go home later today or tomorrow morning.
Pre op. Sedation makes the bed controls fun!
Post op.
Post op.
Day 4.
Couldn't be doing this without my wonderful family and friends! You know who you are! I really appreciate the visits, gifts, calls/emails, meals, and for transporting the boys to their Little League practices and games! I love you all!!
The anesthesiologist decided she could go to sleep with a mask and get the IV after she went to sleep. Despite the fact that Wu Yi was very calm, we opted to give her a sedative before going to the OR, so that she wouldn't remember leaving me. She has been very clingy to me this week and I promised her that I would stay with her through the whole thing. (Even though I am an anesthetist, the hospital policy says no parents in the OR).
Surgery took just over 2 hours and the surgeon was very pleased with the outcome. In his office he had told us to expect 2 days in the hospital, but after the surgery, he said to expect 3 days. As I walked to see her in the recovery room, I could hear her crying and screaming "Mama, Mama"! I haven't heard her call me Mama in over 5 weeks! When she finally saw me, she practically jumped off the bed into my arms and clung to me with all her might. Poor baby with a very swollen face and bloody nose and mouth. She had a stitch through her tongue which was connected to a big wad of gauze which hung outside of her mouth. She howled with pain and fear, but the hospital staff was very attentive with lots of extra pain medicine and she soon settled down. She clung to me the rest of the afternoon and we slept together in her hospital bed all that night. Its sadly twisted that traumatic events can create such bonding.
The next day, Wu Yi started signaling to me that we had been in the hospital 2 days and that it was time to go home. I want so badly for her to trust what I say, and it was frustrating that I had to tell her we couldn't go home until she started to eat. She was completely unwilling to try any food despite the fact that she said she was starving. She threw herself into a major tantrum ~ kicking, screaming, arching her back. This was the first time I had seen a tantrum, but was not at all surprised by it. It lasted for about an hour and a half. We had our nurse, the nursing supervisor, the child life specialist, a social worker, and a translator all running to our room to try to calm her down. Unfortunately, all of these strangers just made her more upset and I sent them away. Did I mention that we weren't in a private room? We had a sweet little 4 year old in the bed next to us who had a cleft palate revision on the same day as Wu Yi. Her mom and I got to be best buddies during our 4 days together. A second tantrum followed a few hours later and it was decided that Wu Yi needed to be sedated so that she wouldn't damage her mouth with the screaming. The Ativan knocked her out for the rest of the day.
Day 3 brought 4 more tantrums, although they were less fierce and lasted only a half hour each. She still refused to eat or drink. Thank God she slept well all night.
Day 4 was "I'm sick of being here too and you are gonna start eating no matter what" day. :) Our little roommate got to go home and I didn't pack enough underwear and I was becoming tearful myself, so I found the resolve to be more firm with Wu Yi. Our nurse was willing to help me (brave nurse ~ I think we scared off a few!) and we ganged up on her to take sips of 7up and bites of ice cream. The effort exhausted me but we made a little progress at last.
So, here we are at Day 5. With lots of encouragement, Wu Yi is taking a full ounce (Yes, I said ounce!) of her favorite spicy Chinese broth every hour. She is switching over from IV Morphine, to liquid oral pain meds this morning as well. Yucky! If we can get her to take 2 ounces every hour and continue to get her to take her pain meds, she can go home later today or tomorrow morning.
Pre op. Sedation makes the bed controls fun!
Post op.
Post op. 
Day 4.Wednesday, April 20, 2011
Easter (early)
Today Wu Yi is having her surgery. I have to wake her up in a few minutes to encourage her to drink clear liquids and then she can't have anything more to eat or drink. Her surgery time is around noon. She "talked" to me about it quite a bit yesterday. She knows that she will be having her mouth "fixed" and that we will be at the hospital for a few days and that she will hurt and have to take "yucky" medicine ~ yet despite all that, her only concern is that I will stay with her. She also asked if the Dr was going to fix her nose. I told her he wouldn't be doing that until she was more grown up. She was disappointed. She told me people in China made fun of her nose.
She is starting to write me notes in Pinion! (Chinese in English letters). She is very excited that she can communicate with me this way. Unfortunately, she is limited by her 6 months of education. When she gets stuck she draws Chinese characters, which I am unable to read.
Don is completely excluded from all this progress she is making. Its starting to take its toll on him.
She is starting to write me notes in Pinion! (Chinese in English letters). She is very excited that she can communicate with me this way. Unfortunately, she is limited by her 6 months of education. When she gets stuck she draws Chinese characters, which I am unable to read.
Don is completely excluded from all this progress she is making. Its starting to take its toll on him.
Monday, April 18, 2011
English and more tears
Wu Yi is starting to speak English!! For the past three days, she has been saying "hey" instead of grunting to get our attention. Today, "hey" became "hey look". So cute! (No other words come out of her mouth).
Today we got together with a translator for the first time to explain the upcoming surgery to Wu Yi. No surprise ~ she refused to speak and barely acknowledged the conversation. I could tell she was listening though. She didn't respond to the discussion of going to the hospital, although I could see she was concerned talking about pain and needing to take medicine that might not taste very good. After giving her all the pertinent details, the translator decided to make some more casual conversation and asked Wu Yi if she enjoyed going to school in China. Wu Yi nodded that she did. When asked if she had good friends there, Wu Yi nodded and started to sob. I held her for a half hour while she cried. The translator apologized for bringing up a sensitive topic, but I told her that I wasn't sorry that she did ~ its good for Wu Yi to think about her friends and to be able to grieve in my arms. I'm sure her friends weren't the only reason she was crying anyway.
Surgery on Wednesday.
Today we got together with a translator for the first time to explain the upcoming surgery to Wu Yi. No surprise ~ she refused to speak and barely acknowledged the conversation. I could tell she was listening though. She didn't respond to the discussion of going to the hospital, although I could see she was concerned talking about pain and needing to take medicine that might not taste very good. After giving her all the pertinent details, the translator decided to make some more casual conversation and asked Wu Yi if she enjoyed going to school in China. Wu Yi nodded that she did. When asked if she had good friends there, Wu Yi nodded and started to sob. I held her for a half hour while she cried. The translator apologized for bringing up a sensitive topic, but I told her that I wasn't sorry that she did ~ its good for Wu Yi to think about her friends and to be able to grieve in my arms. I'm sure her friends weren't the only reason she was crying anyway.
Surgery on Wednesday.
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