A first Christmas ~ the Santa conversation

I think it was way back in October when WuYi first asked me about Santa Claus.  She had seen images of the jolly elf when she lived in China (so did Don and I ~ he was randomly featured taped up in store windows, sun faded,very out of season, and usually next to Darth Vader or Barack Obama) but she had no idea his purpose or true identity.  I was poorly prepared for the conversation ~ I figured I had at least another month before Santa would enter general conversation ~ but I did my best to wing it.  I explained that Santa was a very nice fellow in a fancy red suit, who once a year visited homes of children and left them presents.  That time of year was Christmas.  She had known a bit about Christmas for several months, as we have a year-round Christmas store in downtown Coeur d'Alene which features trees decorated in every imaginable theme.  Wu Yi loves to go inside and admire the tree decorated in pink with ballet slippers, tutus, and tiaras.  Anyway, before I could explain much more, she interupted me and demanded to know if he was REAL.  Yikes!  After a  moment I knew that I had no choice but to tell her the truth.  I have done my best for almost a year to form a trusting relationship with her and its just not worth risking.  Besides, Santa is supposed to bring presents to all the children of the world, and WuYi was never included in that story.  She enjoyed the Christmas conversation immensely (especially knowing we would decorate a tree, bake cookies, and get presents) and I had to caution her not to tell other kids that Santa wasn't legit.  She was pretty confused about why parents would lie to their kids about such a thing.  The best I could offer her by way of explanation was to say "because its fun".  As she bounced off my bed, satisfied with her understanding of things, I quickly realized that I had a big problem.  My 9 year old son, Evan, is still a believer. (What have I done???!!!)

Ski Season

Kellen on his snowboard

Evan on his skis

Wu Yi's first run on the bunny hill

Evan and Wu Yi taking a break

Daniel giving Wu Yi some pointers

We are definitely a skiing family!  Don has been a ski instructor for over 15 years.  Daniel got his first job this winter as a Jr ski instructor.  All three of the boys were on skis at the age of 3.  I started skiing as an adult. I'm not a bad skier, but not really a good one either.  Don gets the credit for our kids loving the mountain and I love watching them get better each year.  Daniel started outskiing me about 3 years ago.  Kellen and I were evenly matched about that same time, and then he switched to snowboarding.  I'm sure Evan will be hot on my tail this year!

Wu Yi saw the occasional snowfall in China.  It was never more than an inch or two, and it was never meant to play in. 

When she first landed in the US, 9 1/2 months ago, there was alot of snow on the ground.  I don't know if she was excited by it or not.  She was a pretty unhappy girl at the time ~ she had alot of other things on her mind, I'm quite sure.  By the time she started to come out of her shell, the snow had melted for the season.

One thing Wu Yi spends hours doing is looking at our family photo albums.  She pours over every photo and wants to know every story.  She reminds me of things we did years ago that I have a hard time even remembering.  She is learning our history this way and I think she really wants to have every experience that she missed out on. This is how she learned that snow really IS meant for playing in.

Before fall was over, she started talking about playing in snow.  She wanted to make a snowman, a snow angel, ride on a sled, wear new snow boots (she tried to throw her old red ones away ~ AAAGGGHHH!), have a snowball fight, and go skiing.  I took her to the ski swap and bought her some new pink skis.  (This was a first.  Don usually takes care of all the skiing equipment and the boys have never had anything new.  Despite this, she was still rather indignant that she was getting boots that were handed down from Evan ~ they were PURPLE and WHITE.  I mean, poor Evan!)  She was also unhappy to not get ski "sticks" (poles).  Had to explain to her that she had to learn to move without them first.

We headed up to the mountain for Don and Daniel to do some orientation for their jobs.  We really didn't plan to take WuYi out to ski until Don could go with her (he was recovering from surgery and wasn't ready to put skis on).  We took her skis up anyway and as soon as she saw the other skiiers, she was ready to try it!  Schweitzer has whats called a "magic carpet" which is a gentle slope on the top of the bunny hill that has a carpet escalator that takes kids slowly back to the top.  (Much less scary than the chair lift).  Don walked along with her as she skied down the slope and then rode back up.  She was a little nervous and uncomfortable and at the end of the first run she asked to go in the lodge.  Don encouraged her to do "two more runs"  (each run took about 10 minutes).  By the time she finished the 2nd run, she asked Don if she could do "nine more runs"!  He was amazed by how coordinated, strong, and competitive she is. I can't believe we got a daughter that loves to camp and ski as much as we do!  How cool is that!

The next day she wanted to ski the entire bunny hill.  Don was working and I hadn't taken my skis up.  Another friend of ours offered to take her, but Wu Yi really wanted me to go.  (And, of course, I didn't want to miss it!)  I coached her a bit on turning and stopping and then enlisted Evan to take the lead.  The two of them skied while I hiked down behind them in my snow boots.  She got a little nervous on some of the steeper sections and when people skied by her too closely, but she was really determined to do it and only wrecked once or twice.  (They weren't really too bad ~ mostly  "sit downs").  I was nervous about getting on the chair lift with her.  Despite the fact that I consider myself an outgoing and adventurous person, I have a tiny fear of heights.  I'm okay being responsible for myself on the lift, but I freak out a little bit if the person next to me needs any kind of help.  The lift operator was very helpful getting her on, and I protectively put my ski pole across her lap.  She gave me a dirty look and said "why are you doing that?"  (I guess she must have noticed that no other kids' moms were doing that).  Anyway, as soon as we were in the air, she started giggling hysterically and saying "I'm flying!  I'm flying!".  No fear at all!  She skied a few more runs and was tired but very happy by the end of the day.

Thanksgiving

What I'm thankful for!!

November

wu yi happy wu yi likes school i like to play with my friends eva

In case you were wondering how Wu Yi is doing in school, here she is getting ready to board the bus!  She has been riding the bus independently for the past two months.  Most of the time Evan is with her, but sometimes he has to go earlier by car for marimbas practice.  She typed the sentence below the picture ~ I only had to tell her how to spell "happy", "school" and "friends".  She loves that it is cold enought to wear her hot pink coat from China, and I love that she is so easy to find when she has it on!  :)

She continues to be in a regular 2nd grade classroom most of the day, with some time out to work with the ESL (English as a 2nd language) teacher, the speech therapist, and the reading specialists.  When in the regular classroom, she is frequently paired up with another student to work on assignments (usually her best friend Grace who is extremely smart!).  Wu Yi isn't bothered with receiving help, but when she is ready to do the material alone, she make that message very clear.  Her teacher says she is quick to raise her hand, rarely seems frustrated, and works very hard to follow along.  She is almost caught up to 2nd grade level in many of her math concepts (which she had started in China).  She gets many comments on how neat her writing is (another skill she mastered in China).  She has worked hard to master a good understanding of most of the alphabet sounds, and with this skill, she is starting to sound out words!  Whenever we read together, she drags her finger along under the words.  She has always loved to draw pictures and now she is adding captions to them.  In the car, she is initiating spelling games.  She gets her weekly homework assignments every Monday (some of it is the same as her classmates, and some of it is modified for her) and she is eager to get it done ASAP.  Such a bright and motivated girl! 

She continues to be very social and talks endlessly about her American girlfriends!

Wu Yi's first school concert, held on Veteran's Day.  The theme is "America"!  For several weeks leading up to this performance, she was singing her little heart out around the house ~ songs like "America the Beautiful" and "You're a Grand Old Flag".  She, of course, had to wear red, white, and blue on the big night.  She did really well!  I'm sure it must have been intimidating to stand before an auditorium of parents and be in the front row.  I was very emotional watching her.   This little Chinese girl who no longer speaks Mandarin, who only wants the blue eyed blonde Barbies, who hands the chop sticks back and asks for a fork instead.  I didn't want her to lose these things, but I realize that, for her, this is survival.  Its best to just let it happen.  Maybe down the road, she will look back and find her Asian heritage.

She continues to talk about her life in China, however.  I've learned more about her life with "Grandma", her foster mom that raised her from 18 months to 5 years.  We found a photo of the two of them together (thanks Ruby) and I framed an 8x10 of it and Wu Yi has it next to her bed.  She misses this woman very much and I am frustrated to not be able to communicate with her directly.  I send photos of Wu Yi to the orphanage every few months and can only hope they might share this information with Grandma.  Wu Yi tells me she was a foster mom to several of the orphanage kids and that she only lives a short walk away.  They were very poor, lived in a tiny house which leaked when it rained (Wu Yi would get wet in her bed).  They didn't have indoor plumbing and the outhouse smelled very bad.  They occasionally looked for food in the street.  Wu Yi was very nervous sharing some of these details with me.  I think she was afraid I would judge her or Grandma for being so poor.  You would never know she endured these living conditions, as she is very meticulous about grooming and food habits.  Grandma was always very kind to Wu Yi and when she was taken to live in the orphanage (to be placed for adoption), it was a tearful and difficult separation for both of them. I wish I could thank her for raising such a wonderful girl.

Wu Yi never understood why she went to the orphanage.  She grew to be happy there, especially to be surrounded by so many friends.  She didn't know it was temporary.  She didn't understand that all of the kids there were waiting for new permanent homes.  She is just now starting to understand the story of her life and the lives of her friends.  Its fortunate that both Evan and I have our own adoption stories to share with her, as this information is overwhelming for her to process.  She really handles it well though.  She is filled with questions and she also has some answers for me.   Together we are figuring it out!

First snow!

Halloween, one year later

My first post to this blog was just about one year ago.  It featured a photo of the boys in their Halloween costumes and I wondered out loud what this year would be like, and what kind of costume my new daughter would choose.  Well, I definitely got a "girly" girl and here she is in her green fairy dress (complete with wings, wand, hair accessories, and heels)!  She spent quite awhile shopping for this outfit.  She asked a million questions about the purpose of it all.  She finally narrowed it down to about 3 of the "wings and lace" variety.  I think her plan was to do Halloween "Oscars" style, with multiple back stage costume changes (presumably to take place in the girls lavatory at school).  She gave a big sigh at having to pick only one, but happily clutched the Kmart bag all the way home. 

I think she must have felt the need to do several dress rehearsals before the big night.  She would disappear into her room and close the door with strict instructions for everyone to "stay out" for "just a few minutes".  The green glitter, which remained in her hair, was the only giveaway of any suspicious wardrobe activities.  When she finally did model the dress publicly, she was very satisfied (although a bit bashful) with the praise of her absolute beauty.  We looked at blog photos of her best friend from China (Eva), who also had a beautiful Halloween costume (Snow White), and Wu Yi talked about how great it would be for all the kids at the orphanage to see how cute they both looked today.

On Halloween morning, she was up and dressed for school bright and early!  She was a little nervous about wearing a costume to school, and needed lots of encouragement from Evan (who sported his Crayon Box costume with easy confidence).  Once we arrived at the playground, however, she was absolutely delighted to see all of her friends dressed up.  She continued to ask me "why?" about a dozen more times (her favorite word ~ my 8 year old toddler), but when the bell rang she waved goodbye and ran off with her group of girlfriends.

Halloween night was beautiful and not too cold.  Wu Yi, Evan, and I went out with some friends and their daughter, while the older boys went out on their own (last year for Daniel!).  Wu Yi was a little uncertain at first.  She told me "You aren't supposed to take candy from strangers.  Do you know all these people??"  (Again, there is my good girl who listens so carefully at school!).  Fortunately, we have lived in this neighborhood for 11 years and I do, in fact, know most of these people, so I was able to reassure Wu Yi for her safety.  She followed Evan and Jordyn to the first house and hesitantly accepted some candy.  She was a little more confident at the second house.  By the third house, she was racing ahead and yelling "Cmon" to the other kids!  We stayed out for about an hour, and then she was ready to go home.  She came in the house, put her bag of candy in the kitchen, changed into her pj's, and was pretty much ready for bed.  She thought that was all there was to it.  She was gravely mistaken! 

As the boys returned home, she learned the "proper" way to come home from a night of trick-or-treating.  First, you select your spot on the floor in the living room ~ giving yourself plenty of space.  Then, you dump all your candy into a big pile, stand back, and admire how you got the most candy of all!  Then, the sorting process happens ~ you divide into the Tootsie Pop pile, the various chocolate piles, the fruity Skittles and Starburst piles, etc, etc.  And then you rank the piles by most coveted vs the up-for-trade variety.  And then the bartering begins.  Candy is traded, a few of the favorite pieces are eaten, and then Mom finally says "no more eating candy!!".  Then (and only then), is Halloween finally complete.

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Earlier in October, Wu Yi returned to surgery.  She was struggling with speech therapy and needed a "touch up/tightening" surgery to the back of her throat.  This was an unexpected procedure (although about 25% of CLP kids need it) and I hated explaining to her why it was necessary.  Wu Yi has made amazing progress in learning English.  She has sacrificed her native language to do so.  She survives in public school on her own and yet, she needs a surgery so people can "understand her better".  Despite facing another major surgery, however, she just sort of "shrugs her shoulders" and says "oh well".  She is so brave and trusting of what I tell her is necessary.

After the nightmare that was "surgery #1", she was only nervous about the IV.  She had several IV's last time and it always hurt when the medicine was going in.  Otherwise, she was confident about going into the cold operating room with the anesthesiologist, and breathing with the mask to go to sleep.  She didn't even need premedication to make her sleepy first. What a grown up girl!

Like the last surgery, she woke up wild and screaming.  (Last time it was "mommy mommy".  This time it was "mommy daddy").  She couldn't swallow, had a mouthful of blood, couldn't breathe through her nose, and was in alot of pain.  Heartbreaking, but so satisfying to know that we are the most important people in the world to her now.  Things settled down within an hour and later that afternoon, she was trying to drink and eat jello/ice cream in an effort to go home.  She had no desire to spend 10 days in the hospital again.  (Last time I think she liked being in the hospital because Don wasn't there.  Thank God those days are gone!!!!)  We went home the next afternoon, but it was, once again, a struggle to get her to eat and take medicine.  The first couple of days I held the threat of having to take her back to the hospital for an IV over her head in order to keep her hydrated.  She lost alot of weight and I lost alot of sleep:)  Not only did I worry about her eating and drinking enough, I also had her sleeping in my room, and she is now a major snorer!  Snoring is a side effect of this surgery and she is really loud.  Hopefully it will only last 6-12 months.   Despite it all, she seems to sleep just fine.

She needed pain medication for about a week, started eating and drinking well at about that same time too, and went back to school about 10 days post op.  On her follow up visit, the surgeon was very pleased, and she starts going back to speech therapy this week.  She sounds different.  She used to be very nasally.  Now she sounds like her nose is plugged up with a cold.  Lets hope the speech therapist can make some progress with her now!

Her next surgery will be in about 15-18 months.  It is to put a bone graft from her hip into the gap between her front teeth where the cleft was, so teeth can come down in that space.  She will need to get braces on her teeth next May in preparation for this surgery.  Both Evan and Daniel have braces so she is cool with that.  Hopefully the only remaining surgery will be to fix her nose and that can't be done until she is fully grown.