November

wu yi happy wu yi likes school i like to play with my friends eva

In case you were wondering how Wu Yi is doing in school, here she is getting ready to board the bus!  She has been riding the bus independently for the past two months.  Most of the time Evan is with her, but sometimes he has to go earlier by car for marimbas practice.  She typed the sentence below the picture ~ I only had to tell her how to spell "happy", "school" and "friends".  She loves that it is cold enought to wear her hot pink coat from China, and I love that she is so easy to find when she has it on!  :)

She continues to be in a regular 2nd grade classroom most of the day, with some time out to work with the ESL (English as a 2nd language) teacher, the speech therapist, and the reading specialists.  When in the regular classroom, she is frequently paired up with another student to work on assignments (usually her best friend Grace who is extremely smart!).  Wu Yi isn't bothered with receiving help, but when she is ready to do the material alone, she make that message very clear.  Her teacher says she is quick to raise her hand, rarely seems frustrated, and works very hard to follow along.  She is almost caught up to 2nd grade level in many of her math concepts (which she had started in China).  She gets many comments on how neat her writing is (another skill she mastered in China).  She has worked hard to master a good understanding of most of the alphabet sounds, and with this skill, she is starting to sound out words!  Whenever we read together, she drags her finger along under the words.  She has always loved to draw pictures and now she is adding captions to them.  In the car, she is initiating spelling games.  She gets her weekly homework assignments every Monday (some of it is the same as her classmates, and some of it is modified for her) and she is eager to get it done ASAP.  Such a bright and motivated girl! 

She continues to be very social and talks endlessly about her American girlfriends!

Wu Yi's first school concert, held on Veteran's Day.  The theme is "America"!  For several weeks leading up to this performance, she was singing her little heart out around the house ~ songs like "America the Beautiful" and "You're a Grand Old Flag".  She, of course, had to wear red, white, and blue on the big night.  She did really well!  I'm sure it must have been intimidating to stand before an auditorium of parents and be in the front row.  I was very emotional watching her.   This little Chinese girl who no longer speaks Mandarin, who only wants the blue eyed blonde Barbies, who hands the chop sticks back and asks for a fork instead.  I didn't want her to lose these things, but I realize that, for her, this is survival.  Its best to just let it happen.  Maybe down the road, she will look back and find her Asian heritage.

She continues to talk about her life in China, however.  I've learned more about her life with "Grandma", her foster mom that raised her from 18 months to 5 years.  We found a photo of the two of them together (thanks Ruby) and I framed an 8x10 of it and Wu Yi has it next to her bed.  She misses this woman very much and I am frustrated to not be able to communicate with her directly.  I send photos of Wu Yi to the orphanage every few months and can only hope they might share this information with Grandma.  Wu Yi tells me she was a foster mom to several of the orphanage kids and that she only lives a short walk away.  They were very poor, lived in a tiny house which leaked when it rained (Wu Yi would get wet in her bed).  They didn't have indoor plumbing and the outhouse smelled very bad.  They occasionally looked for food in the street.  Wu Yi was very nervous sharing some of these details with me.  I think she was afraid I would judge her or Grandma for being so poor.  You would never know she endured these living conditions, as she is very meticulous about grooming and food habits.  Grandma was always very kind to Wu Yi and when she was taken to live in the orphanage (to be placed for adoption), it was a tearful and difficult separation for both of them. I wish I could thank her for raising such a wonderful girl.

Wu Yi never understood why she went to the orphanage.  She grew to be happy there, especially to be surrounded by so many friends.  She didn't know it was temporary.  She didn't understand that all of the kids there were waiting for new permanent homes.  She is just now starting to understand the story of her life and the lives of her friends.  Its fortunate that both Evan and I have our own adoption stories to share with her, as this information is overwhelming for her to process.  She really handles it well though.  She is filled with questions and she also has some answers for me.   Together we are figuring it out!

First snow!

Halloween, one year later

My first post to this blog was just about one year ago.  It featured a photo of the boys in their Halloween costumes and I wondered out loud what this year would be like, and what kind of costume my new daughter would choose.  Well, I definitely got a "girly" girl and here she is in her green fairy dress (complete with wings, wand, hair accessories, and heels)!  She spent quite awhile shopping for this outfit.  She asked a million questions about the purpose of it all.  She finally narrowed it down to about 3 of the "wings and lace" variety.  I think her plan was to do Halloween "Oscars" style, with multiple back stage costume changes (presumably to take place in the girls lavatory at school).  She gave a big sigh at having to pick only one, but happily clutched the Kmart bag all the way home. 

I think she must have felt the need to do several dress rehearsals before the big night.  She would disappear into her room and close the door with strict instructions for everyone to "stay out" for "just a few minutes".  The green glitter, which remained in her hair, was the only giveaway of any suspicious wardrobe activities.  When she finally did model the dress publicly, she was very satisfied (although a bit bashful) with the praise of her absolute beauty.  We looked at blog photos of her best friend from China (Eva), who also had a beautiful Halloween costume (Snow White), and Wu Yi talked about how great it would be for all the kids at the orphanage to see how cute they both looked today.

On Halloween morning, she was up and dressed for school bright and early!  She was a little nervous about wearing a costume to school, and needed lots of encouragement from Evan (who sported his Crayon Box costume with easy confidence).  Once we arrived at the playground, however, she was absolutely delighted to see all of her friends dressed up.  She continued to ask me "why?" about a dozen more times (her favorite word ~ my 8 year old toddler), but when the bell rang she waved goodbye and ran off with her group of girlfriends.

Halloween night was beautiful and not too cold.  Wu Yi, Evan, and I went out with some friends and their daughter, while the older boys went out on their own (last year for Daniel!).  Wu Yi was a little uncertain at first.  She told me "You aren't supposed to take candy from strangers.  Do you know all these people??"  (Again, there is my good girl who listens so carefully at school!).  Fortunately, we have lived in this neighborhood for 11 years and I do, in fact, know most of these people, so I was able to reassure Wu Yi for her safety.  She followed Evan and Jordyn to the first house and hesitantly accepted some candy.  She was a little more confident at the second house.  By the third house, she was racing ahead and yelling "Cmon" to the other kids!  We stayed out for about an hour, and then she was ready to go home.  She came in the house, put her bag of candy in the kitchen, changed into her pj's, and was pretty much ready for bed.  She thought that was all there was to it.  She was gravely mistaken! 

As the boys returned home, she learned the "proper" way to come home from a night of trick-or-treating.  First, you select your spot on the floor in the living room ~ giving yourself plenty of space.  Then, you dump all your candy into a big pile, stand back, and admire how you got the most candy of all!  Then, the sorting process happens ~ you divide into the Tootsie Pop pile, the various chocolate piles, the fruity Skittles and Starburst piles, etc, etc.  And then you rank the piles by most coveted vs the up-for-trade variety.  And then the bartering begins.  Candy is traded, a few of the favorite pieces are eaten, and then Mom finally says "no more eating candy!!".  Then (and only then), is Halloween finally complete.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Earlier in October, Wu Yi returned to surgery.  She was struggling with speech therapy and needed a "touch up/tightening" surgery to the back of her throat.  This was an unexpected procedure (although about 25% of CLP kids need it) and I hated explaining to her why it was necessary.  Wu Yi has made amazing progress in learning English.  She has sacrificed her native language to do so.  She survives in public school on her own and yet, she needs a surgery so people can "understand her better".  Despite facing another major surgery, however, she just sort of "shrugs her shoulders" and says "oh well".  She is so brave and trusting of what I tell her is necessary.

After the nightmare that was "surgery #1", she was only nervous about the IV.  She had several IV's last time and it always hurt when the medicine was going in.  Otherwise, she was confident about going into the cold operating room with the anesthesiologist, and breathing with the mask to go to sleep.  She didn't even need premedication to make her sleepy first. What a grown up girl!

Like the last surgery, she woke up wild and screaming.  (Last time it was "mommy mommy".  This time it was "mommy daddy").  She couldn't swallow, had a mouthful of blood, couldn't breathe through her nose, and was in alot of pain.  Heartbreaking, but so satisfying to know that we are the most important people in the world to her now.  Things settled down within an hour and later that afternoon, she was trying to drink and eat jello/ice cream in an effort to go home.  She had no desire to spend 10 days in the hospital again.  (Last time I think she liked being in the hospital because Don wasn't there.  Thank God those days are gone!!!!)  We went home the next afternoon, but it was, once again, a struggle to get her to eat and take medicine.  The first couple of days I held the threat of having to take her back to the hospital for an IV over her head in order to keep her hydrated.  She lost alot of weight and I lost alot of sleep:)  Not only did I worry about her eating and drinking enough, I also had her sleeping in my room, and she is now a major snorer!  Snoring is a side effect of this surgery and she is really loud.  Hopefully it will only last 6-12 months.   Despite it all, she seems to sleep just fine.

She needed pain medication for about a week, started eating and drinking well at about that same time too, and went back to school about 10 days post op.  On her follow up visit, the surgeon was very pleased, and she starts going back to speech therapy this week.  She sounds different.  She used to be very nasally.  Now she sounds like her nose is plugged up with a cold.  Lets hope the speech therapist can make some progress with her now!

Her next surgery will be in about 15-18 months.  It is to put a bone graft from her hip into the gap between her front teeth where the cleft was, so teeth can come down in that space.  She will need to get braces on her teeth next May in preparation for this surgery.  Both Evan and Daniel have braces so she is cool with that.  Hopefully the only remaining surgery will be to fix her nose and that can't be done until she is fully grown.

October!

It seemed like there was so much to post when our daughter first arrived to her new home.  Then things kind of settled in for awhile.  Now, she is, again, a whirlwind of progress and news and I am constantly amazed by and thankful for the gift in my life that is Wu Yi.

School continues to go very well.  She is happy to go in the mornings, and is a mixture of contentment, chatter, and exhaustion in the evenings.  She continues to spend most of her day in a regular 2nd grade class, with some added time with the ESL teacher and the reading specialist each day.  Her homework is modified and a new packet of it comes home every Monday.  There is always an attached "post it" note that says "Please have Wu Yi take her time and return when complete."  Well, Wu Yi is very driven to sit down and do all of her homework on the first day!  She is a perfectionist, with very neat writing, and asks me to make sure all of her answers are correct when she is done.  Both Don and I encourage her to take her time ~ I'm sure her teacher intends for the work to take a couple of weeks (its probably pretty time consuming just putting it together!), but Wu Yi seems to get anxious if it isn't complete right away.  She explains that her homework in China was fairly difficult, time consuming, serious business.  I tell her that, in America, homework is serious business too, but, for 2nd graders, after school play time is just as important.  (This is usually met with a fairly skeptical expression from her.)  The homework is also labor intensive for Don and I.  Many of the concepts are new to her, but she is so smart and eager to learn!  She does well with almost everything, except phonics.  She struggles with "sounding out" words.  I think this is mainly because she is physically unable to make some of the letter sounds.  She is definitely going to do better with just memorizing "sight words".  More on this issue in a few minutes . . .

One of the main things Wu Yi enjoys about going to school is having a group of new friends!  She chatters on endlessly about the names of the kids in her class, and especially the couple of girlfriends that she eats lunch with and plays with during recess.  For the past two weeks, all I hear about is GRACE!  Her new BFF!  So, after endless questions about when Grace can come to play, Wu Yi finally has the nerve to give Grace our phone number and then ask for hers in return.  That very day, Wu Yi came home proudly carrying what I thought must be a winning lottery ticket ~ but was actually just a phone number.  :)  We had to wait until the weekend to call, but today was the day, and Grace came over to play.  (When I called Grace's mom to introduce myself, I was surprised to find out that she already knew all about Wu Yi and that Grace has been wanting to be friends with my daughter for 6 months!).  The girls played Barbies, dressed up like princesses, jumped on the trampoline, and then we went to see the Lion King in 3D.  (Wu Yi's hands were stretched out in front of her almost the entire movie.)  They were endlessly hugging each other and Wu Yi was so happy, she frequently came to hug me and say "thank you".  It is amazing how well Grace understands what Wu Yi is saying.  I was stunned when she actually translated one thing she said to me!!

Continuing on the subject of BFFs . . . .Wu Yi's best friend from China ~ Eva (formerly Yu Cheeong), called on the phone last week!  As you may remember from previous posts, Eva is a year younger than Wu Yi and she just joined her forever family in New Hampshire.  On her last day in China, Eva's mom decided to call us at home (unexpectedly!).  The two girls, who had shared a twin bed in the orphanage, had not seen or talked to each other in 7 months.  Wu Yi knew this day was coming, and she had expressed some nervousness about not remembering how to speak Chinese.  I knew this was a possibility, but thought it would all come back to her as soon as her friend started speaking.  Unfortunately, this was not the case.  Her eyes were lit up so bright as she took the phone, and as Eva started excitedly chattering, Wu Yi's face became a combination of confusion and frustration.  She covered up the mouthpiece of the phone and whispered to me "whats she saying???".  I took the phone back and talked to Eva's mom for a moment and soon Wu Yi gestured to me that she wanted to try again.  The second time went a little better.  She hesitantly whispered a few Chinese words and then gained some confidence and talked with a mixture of Chinese and English words.  We kept the phone call fairly brief, with the promise that we would Skype when Eva got to the states.  Wu Yi was so happy when the call was over.  She missed her friend terribly! She asked me how long it would take Eva to learn English and then said she would like to talk to her again then.  My mission for the weekend is to get my Skype camera working and hopefully the girls can see each other face to face in just a few more days.  That should, hopefully, make communication easier.

One thing great about being an American is getting to celebrate holidays almost monthly.  Wu Yi is fascinated about this part of our culture, and she is definitely interested in Halloween.  As soon as we saw our first pumpkin in the grocery store, she asked to buy one and wanted to know exactly how the carving business happens.  We took a trip to Greenbluff and spent the day picking apples and pumpkins.  She also got her first pony ride there, and loved the petting zoo and tractor ride.  She is currently undecided about a costume (these things take time for a girl who likes to shop you know) and she asks endless questions about why people like to be scared, and why people actually GET scared about things that aren't even real.  Just as trick-or-treating was starting to get a little tiresome, we are all getting excited to go and see what she thinks of it.

Back to the speech issue.  Despite the fact that Wu Yi healed up so well from her palate surgery and that she worked very hard for months in speech therapy, she continues to struggle with many of our language sounds and our speech therapist recommended that we go back and see her surgeon.  He needed to look into the back of her throat and used a small camera that he threaded up her nose to do it.  (Not much fun for her, but she was very brave and earned a little pool toy for her Barbies).  Her palate still looks good and the muscles under it should be working, but they are not.  Without the movement of these muscles, it is impossible for Wu Yi to make the "explosive" letter sounds like "k", "g", "t", etc.  Her surgeon feels that the nerves which should be signaling these muscles to move are nonfunctional (from 8 years of non-use) and that they will never work.  Without another surgery, Wu Yi's speech will not improve.  So, on Oct 19, we are scheduled to return for a "pharyngoplasty", which is a surgery on her throat (vs her last surgery which was just to the roof of her mouth).  This will be very similar to the first surgery in terms of length of hospitalization, pain, eating, etc.  Hopefully we won't be in the hospital for 10 days again!  We were told that she should sound different almost immediately (there won't be as much air leaking out of her nose when she talks) but that she could develop a significant snoring problem.  I didn't think snoring was such a big deal, but our surgeon says if she develops periods of "sleep apnea" during the night, she may become a very different child due to lack of sleep.  This is usually a temporary problem, lasting 6 months to a year, but, if severe, the surgery may need to be reversed.  Wish us luck!

Happy 14th Daniel!

Photos by Wu Yi

Happy September!

Wu Yi made it through an entire week of school, all by herself!  She made some new friends, was very excited to tell me about pictures she had colored, games she had played, and being able to sing and dance.  She mastered the big slide, and the monkey bars.  She did her best on all assignments.  The faculty at her school are asounded at the transformation which took place over the summer.  I am so relieved!  And so proud!

We are still enjoying a beautiful summer, with temps in the 90's.  I had a wonderful, and much needed, four days of "vacation" with time to myself everyday from 9-3:30!  Back to reality on Monday.

2nd grade ~ Going Solo!

Today Wu Yi started 2nd grade!  We have been preparing her all summer, but until today, I just couldn't predict how she would do. 

 We spent the Labor Day weekend camping with other families, and she made some new friends.  She happily held hands with her two BFF's (Elizabeth and Malyn) and even developed a little crush on Elizabeth's 16 year old cousin, Mason.  I was so pleased to see her forming these new relationships ~ just in time!

She proudly packed her new princess backpack, both with new American school supplies and also her treasured Chinese pencil box.  She helped me pack her lunch in her Hello Kitty lunch box (it has been a challenge to find foods she likes which don't have to be heated ~ she is a big meat/rice/noodle fan).  She said goodbye to her brothers ~ first Daniel off to the high school, then Kellen off to middle school, and finally she and Evan climbed into the car for their trip to Bryan Elementary.  She posed for photos both outside and inside the school (posing for photos on demand ~ woo hoo!!!)  She said "hi" to 3 new people in the hall (I was SO proud of that ~ I have been telling her that is the best way to make new friends and she was ON IT!)  We dropped Evan off at his new class and then went to her classroom.  She found her desk, sat down, unpacked her backpack, and finally looked around at the other kids and their moms.  She seemed pretty confident so I told her what time I would be back, hugged her goodbye, gave her teacher my cell phone number, and left. 

My phone was silent all day (Woo Hoo ~ free mom time!!) and I was eager to return at 3:30 to see how she did.  I spied from the hallway for the last 10 minutes and was so proud to see her confidently finishing an assignment, packing up her things, lining up to go to her locker, and finally leaving the classroom to find me when the bell rang.  She was happy and eager to show me her work.  She told me how fun recess was (3 of them!), how she saw Evan at lunch, how she shared chocolate kisses in the cafeteria (so I'm not above bribery!), and how she was quiet when her teacher was talking even though other kids were not.  (That's my girl!)  We drove home and she promptly pulled all the usual parent paperwork out of her folders (she wanted to know what they all said, too), then she opened the pantry, pulled out some microwave popcorn, cooked it herself, turned on the TV and started chillaxin!  Big day!  I hate to see Wu Yi lose her Chinese-ness, but she is becoming quite an American girl!

6 months

We are in the final countdown to the end of summer vacation.  The weather started off so crummy, but the past 6 weeks have been sunny and beautiful!  I love living in Coeur d'Alene! I am training for my first ultramarathon and the quiet weekend morning long runs are so peaceful and scenic.  Whether I'm up on the trails or down by the lake, I am always content to occupy this place.

Its been a good summer for our family of 6 as well.  We went on several camping trips, including a week at Glacier, and spent plenty of days on the beach.  Daniel and Kellen have discovered the local "rock jumps" around the lake, and I shudder to watch them taking the plunge from such heights!  It wouldn't be summer without at least one day at Silverwood Theme Park, and Wu Yi got her first taste of carnival rides.  Initially, she was panicky about the "funny tummy jumping" feeling, but after some reassurance that those feelings were normal, she delighted in the Tilt-a-whirl, roller coaster, carousel, and flying Dumbos.  She loves to be in the water and is less dependent on wearing goggles.  She is starting to notice that other kids swim in deep water without Barbie lifejackets, and I think she may be ready to start swimming lessons soon.  She is willing to jump off the side of the pool and put her face in the water to blow bubbles ~ this is amazing progress for a girl who was so upset by a drop of water getting in her face 6 months ago.

We traveled to the Washington coast last month to spend a week with some friends at their beach house.  They have a daughter close to Wu Yi's age, and I am proud to report that Wu Yi made her first friend!  When first introduced, she was her usual suspicious self, but the lure of Barbies got the best of her and within a 1/2 hour, the two girls were playing together without me in the room.  By bedtime that night, they were snuggled up together in bed, giggling happily.  I'm not sure how much Wu Yi's new friend could understand her language (great English, still some cleft related speech issues though), but the two girls didn't seem to be concerned about communicating.  Wu Yi really admired Elizabeth's earrings, and once we returned home, she begged me to take her to get hers done too.  I was a little hesitant about this (had mine pierced 34 years ago and haven't had any experience with the process since!), but she saw some cupcake earrings in the store and was bound and determined to get them!  We researched the responsibility of taking care of pierced ears and Wu Yi promised to follow all directions.  She boldly climbed up in the chair, and the rest is history.  True to her word, every morning and every night, without fail, she asks Don or I to help her with her ear care.  She admires herself in the mirror and I am so happy to see her gain such confidence!

As for Wu Yi's best friend . . . she will be arriving to her new home in America in just a few weeks!  Wu Yi is eagerly setting aside clothes she is outgrowing to send to Yu Cheeong (Eva), and she routinely surveys her favorite toys to hopefully share with her someday.  It is unfortunate that Eva's new home is about as far away as she can be and still be in county, but Wu Yi is eager to Skype with her on the computer.  She tells me she can hardly wait to see her, but she is concerned that she won't remember enough Chinese to speak to her. :(  We have looked into Chinese language classes, but Wu Yi's speech issues are so significant, that she cannot even properly pronounce her native language.  She has been in speech therapy all summer, but unfortunately, her therapist feels she will need even more surgery than we thought in order to master many of the common language sounds.

School starts in 5 days.  The kids are all registered and supplies are in backpacks.  I haven't bought any new clothes as the boys are all running cross country (which means athletic shorts and T shirts everyday) and Wu Yi has plenty of new summer clothes which should be comfortable for most of September.  Daniel is growing so quickly that I don't dare buy anything until absolutely necessary!  It has been quite an adjustment for me, looking up at one of my children!

We were so lucky to have Wu Yi's grandma (who is a 1st/2nd grade teacher) working hard with her all summer to get her ready for 2nd grade.  Wu Yi is a challenge sometimes ~ she pretty much determines her own study agenda and Mary had to be very flexible!  Wu Yi's interest in reading has really taken off.  She tolerates writing and math.  She is a very bright girl with an amazing memory.  I thought she was so catatonic in China that she wouldn't remember much but, actually, she was constantly studying us and it is so interesting to talk to her about her inital impression of those traumatic days.  She continues to talk frequently about her friends and how much she misses them, but she no longer wishes to return to China.  She tells me she loves America and wants to stay with us "forever".  We are so lucky to have this special girl in our life!

Wu Yi continues to gain confidence in her relationships with new people.  She warms to new adults pretty readily (both men and women), but she struggles to trust kids.   If we are out in public and a child looks at her, talks to her, or is laughing near her, she gets mad and comes to me to ask their motives.  I usually tell her that other kids are probably just admiring her pretty clothes or beautiful black hair and this usually satisfies her.  (She doesn't dwell on her nose much anymore!)  The laughter always makes her suspicious though.  I've had to do some conversational role play with her to help her realize that she is not a target, and that other kids will want to be her friend.  She knows that most kids are nice, but that some might be a little naughty.  I have to encourage her to acknowledge kids who approach her.  She is quick to ignore or glare at them and I am trying to help her realize that this will make it hard for her to have friends to play with.  She definitely wants to make friends now, as she is so excited to have a "princess" party on her birthday (April) and wants lots of girls to come with tiaras on.  (She never had a birthday in China.  In fact, she had no concept of age at all.)  We are planning to start her in full day 2nd grade next week.  I know it will be tough for her at first, but I think she can do it.  Her teacher has been involved in tracking her progress through the summer, and she even invited her to spend time in the classroom last week ~ unpacking books together and giving her first pick of lockers.  We have an awesome elementary school!

Our adoption social worker came to do our first post placement home visit.  I am happy to report that I think they are going to let us keep her!  :)